I've got another day (for Clayton) - Final (I think)
The butcher knife hangs
Above the kitchen sink, looming there
An axe, waiting
For the faceless man
To swing
I look at the mirror
In the washroom
The light’s burnt out
No one’s there, just
An outline, a trace
Of what might have been
Is this what Alice saw looking through
Her looking glass?
I have a job to do
One I know so well
Lower the knife, cut
The meat
No expectation of pain
None, nothing left to feel, nothing left
To erase
I am just a smudge
One dirty little smudge left
By the Artist’s eraser, a smudge
That had potential, a smudge
Needing to be erased
To make place for
A better use for this
Space
Stop
Time
No more thinking
Now
Quick
But there it is!
blinding flash
refreshing blast
flowing from the gash
Electrifying
Pain coursing through
grounding me
to reality
I'm ok,
Ok
I've got another day
I see a face forming, my face, reforming
On the canvas of the looking glass
Etch by etch, line
By line
Shadows being shaded in
Wonderland will have to wait
Sorry Alice, but tell the Mad Hatter
That our tea will have to wait
This Humpty's not falling today
No, not today
I've got another day
Shaking
with new born life
Living pain
Birthed in blood
Born from strife
I've got to break away,
Before anyone can see,
From this faint euphoria
Sweeping over me
Another day
One more day, grab
The sink to stop the shaking
I need to clean up the mess
Things to do tomorrow
Have to get to bed
an appointment with my counselor
I better wear a long sleeve shirt
and a poem for my class
nine down, one more to write
the deadline's approaching fast
I think I'll title the next one
I've got another day
Above the kitchen sink, looming there
An axe, waiting
For the faceless man
To swing
I look at the mirror
In the washroom
The light’s burnt out
No one’s there, just
An outline, a trace
Of what might have been
Is this what Alice saw looking through
Her looking glass?
I have a job to do
One I know so well
Lower the knife, cut
The meat
No expectation of pain
None, nothing left to feel, nothing left
To erase
I am just a smudge
One dirty little smudge left
By the Artist’s eraser, a smudge
That had potential, a smudge
Needing to be erased
To make place for
A better use for this
Space
Stop
Time
No more thinking
Now
Quick
But there it is!
blinding flash
refreshing blast
flowing from the gash
Electrifying
Pain coursing through
grounding me
to reality
I'm ok,
Ok
I've got another day
I see a face forming, my face, reforming
On the canvas of the looking glass
Etch by etch, line
By line
Shadows being shaded in
Wonderland will have to wait
Sorry Alice, but tell the Mad Hatter
That our tea will have to wait
This Humpty's not falling today
No, not today
I've got another day
Shaking
with new born life
Living pain
Birthed in blood
Born from strife
I've got to break away,
Before anyone can see,
From this faint euphoria
Sweeping over me
Another day
One more day, grab
The sink to stop the shaking
I need to clean up the mess
Things to do tomorrow
Have to get to bed
an appointment with my counselor
I better wear a long sleeve shirt
and a poem for my class
nine down, one more to write
the deadline's approaching fast
I think I'll title the next one
I've got another day
posted by Solace at 5:12 PM
4 Comments:
Someone suggested it would be more evocative. You don't like it? I can always change it back. I thought I'd let it sit there for a few days and see how I liked it.
haha, this is the hardest part of writing. The final versions and trying to decide which is better. I think I agree with you on the title. As for the line ends, I sent the poem to my father for a final review since he use to be in the publishing buisness and he suggested to do them like this so as to emphasise certain words and such......
By the way broken, thank you so much for your comments! I love them. It's refreshing to get ideas and critisisms from someone instead of the usual, Oh' I like it and then leaves it at that. Getting comments like yours is so much more helpful and productive.
Thanks, I owe ya one.
I like this version better. It seems to flow more, the first version (or 7th) seemed to be interrupted more. The reference to Alice is pretty sweet. I was also caught by the emotion that hit me with the line,
"blinding flash
refreshing blast
flowing from the gash"
It is eerily captivating.
oops, thanks, fixed now
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